Work in Progress…

I’m still working on building this blog/site, so there are many things I need to include that are current. I plan on including some kid stuff in the next week, because I have tried a lot of things with my two in terms of activities and cooking and have plenty to share on what has worked for them and what has not.

The self care stuff continues to elude me, but I’m working on taking it one day at a time. It’s cliche, but I have this awful habit of assessing my success on an all or nothing basis. For example, if I have a bad few days in the land of self-esteem or my worth as a parent, I chalk it up to it all being awash and forget any of the good I’ve accomplished. I don’t know if that hits home with anyone or not, but it’s a terrible habit I’m working on breaking.

Something I have figured out, however, is how to feel a little better on the days when I feel like I’ve done nothing: make a list of every minute task or activity from morning until nighttime. It seems weird but finding any small, good thing can be enough to change my attitude about the day. In doing it, I may have found that I played with FP Little People for an hour with both girls or had read more books to them than I realized.

I think an overarching theme in my struggles as a stay at home mom is finding balance. I know it’s like hunting for a unicorn. It’s never going to happen. There is no such thing. I recently had this discussion with my sister, and saw it on a friend’s Instagram page shortly after. I guess I’m just searching for some sort of “normal.” What do families do to clean house, spend time together, go on dates, find peace within themselves? How do people get laundry done? Does it sit in their baskets for days at a time before it can be put away? (Mine doesn’t either, just throwing out hypotheticals (-; ) I feel like a complete loser sometimes that I haven’t seemed to figure this out yet at 35 and with two kids, but I have a sneaking suspicion that we’re all just winging it and hoping for the best.

Here goes…

July 1, 2019

I’ve been writing for years, but recently I’ve had the desire to go a little more public with writing again. It always seemed to help me with accountability before. And now, with not having much of a career on which to focus my never ending waterfall of thoughts, I need some sort of project that is solely mine.

When I first resigned from my teaching job, I had a math blog and website attached to my Youtube channel. (I still offer my services for homework help in person and in videos.) However, that project became too detached from my identity, especially after having my second daughter in the spring of 2018. At that point there was no question that I’d be sitting out of my career for a few extra years while I spent this crucial time at home with my babies. 

Though I miss my career, there is nothing drawing me back now. I love breakfasts with my girls, staying in pjs and playing while I drink my coffee in the mornings, rocking the baby to sleep, and reading books with both of them on my lap. This is what works best for my family in our current season of life.

That being said, I have a tendency to feel like I’m losing my mind out of isolation and lack of direction. (I have a part time job and do plenty with it during the school year and even keep up with it over the summer, but it’s not anything too consuming.) Having a history of generalized anxiety does not help, as I am often trapped inside my head, drowning in worries. This new “project” of blogging can hopefully help. I also hope it can help any readers feel somewhat less alone in navigating the ever-changing landscape of motherhood.